What older women need to know, understand about older guys who have been single for over 5 years, even 10 + years or more, the following read is very important when it comes to understanding the phycology of single older men, and this is assuming they’re not ‘gay’…with that lets begin this sloppy journey in grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
First some food for thought, in list form
- Guys who have been single for 5 years or longer tend to think and reason more like women.
Why?
Because when single it forces a guy to really examine himself up close and personal. When single there is no other to deflect imperfections onto, to pick up after you (them), to rescue you from your own immature emotions, or developing emotions, there’s none of that, all there is is a mirror. When single there is no one to cook your meals for you when hungry, no one there to tell you to lift the toilet seat, or take out the trash, cut the grass, to vacuum the carpet, feed the pet, cut your hair, wash your face, trim beard, none of that, all there is is the mirror and a close examination of self; as such this really forces one, a single male, to grow up fast, or to sink really fast into a state of sloppy personal affair.
The reason why so many males fail to really grow up is do to the following trajectory…Mother to girlfriend or girlfriends, to wife, which is just like going from one Island of dependency to another before ever able to develop self proficiently enough to emotionally succeed alone, and that trajectory applies to ALL males, whether at the hood or street level or Ivy League school, 6 figure income level, it’s the exact same trajectory for most males.
When in the Navy, years ago, most males were bent out of shape just after a few days, or weeks, during cruises, without the reassurance of their wives or girlfriends to ‘love em and emotionally hug em’; is that a bad thing?, no, I mean if in Love with another of course you’re going to miss not being around them, but just saying, for the sake of this long article, when you back up you do see problems that arise when one is so dependent on another for emotional and physical needs and can see, predict, forecast problems that will arise in relationships down the road do to this lack of secure independence.
Some of those problems are
- Affairs, when a male in a relationship doesn’t always feel instantly loved or wanted, or gratified by the one they’re with, they’re more likely to ‘cheat’, because their gratification comes from ‘another’ rather than from self.
- Males who never were allowed to emotional grow up are more prone to enter ‘rebound’ relationships, or getting into a relationship just to be in one. (for women there’s nothing worst than a guy like this, for after ‘sex’, there’s just nothing there, just a distant stare as they gaze right past you)
- More prone to violence, getting in trouble with the law, and more reckless with their life, why? Because always having that ‘woman’ or ‘lady’ there for you means that even if get arrested and go to jail you always have ‘your gal’ to fall back on when you get out, or Mamma, Grandma ect. A sure sign of a male who isn’t use to being single is one who’s always in trouble with the law.
Where as single guy is way more careful and prudent in the decisions they make, for they know that if they mess up, there will be no ‘baby mamma’ there to bale them out, or who’s house or apartment to crash at once out, until they get life back in order, which they never will without a woman. Again when you’re single, and mess up, all there is is the mirror…and that mirror forces you to grow up fast or sink.
4. Guys who have never been single for more than a few months, totally define their ‘manhood’ in relation or tandem with a female, in other words without a female in their life, they’re not a ‘male’, their not a man, and don’t know how to define themselves separate and apart from any gender role, either they’re with a woman having sex or their’ gay’, and is what drives them to want to be in relationships so bad, any relationship, just so others won’t start thinking ‘I’m gay’.
And let me stop there and begin to wind this down, for I could go on for hours, but lack the time right now, maybe there’s be a part two to this article or blog post. But my point is most women have been conditioned to date males as described above and never look at the underlining reasons of why males are the way they are, and what I’m saying is what throws a lot of older or even younger females off is when they encounter a mature male who’s been single for over 5 years and actually has their act in order, most women don’t know what to do with a male like that, one who isn’t ‘needy’ and or behaves like their own adult son.
I once lost a date, a beautiful lady, cause stupid me, one night we met and I did not feel it appropriate to invite them back to place, and they took it personal, took it as sign of rejection, and lost interest after that. I wasn’t rejecting them, I was respecting them, treating them as their own Dad would want me to treat them, as My Dad would want me to treat them, but I guess by that time those kind of values were out the door, it was one of those pivotal moments in my life is why I still think about it….had I been ‘needy’ like most men described above, no telling, but I wasn’t, I was single, cautious, careful and respectful, as such I may as well of been a villain.
Out of time, darn, I only covered 50% of what I wanted to express, I spent it all writing about ‘needy males’, rather than understanding males who are single and are not ‘needy’, I have the blueprint for both. Sometimes women take the behavior of men who are not ‘needy’ as a sign of rejection, when it’s not, rather they’re simply a male version of yourself, independent, and don’t think for a minute their not studying you up and down, sideways and every other way, and you just need to be patient with them.
Also, Older males who have never yet had ‘kids’ of their own, and you do, that’s a recipy for disaster, for no matter what a older single male says about loving you, He’ll always love the woman that can give him a family even more, never forget that, and will explain that later in part two of this post or I’ll come back and leave a link later where explained elsewhere.
Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a comment and or share, I have a list of 10 other things myself and person in the mirror have to get done, later and good day.
Note: I went back and changed the title of blog to better fit what I wrote about.
Altered States, beyond 'Black', beyond Gender 